Lent

Cursing, since it's become regular, which is terrible, and does nothing to glorify God.

I'm reading Blue Like Jazz again, and this time it seems likely that I'll finish it. It's a good read. I like the way that Don Miller presents his ideas. I just read about how he and some friends, who were studying at the infamously liberal and equally non-religious Reed College in Portland, decided to set up a confessional booth one evening. The twist was that they didn't take anyone's confessional, but they apologized for the way Christianity has presented itself to the masses, through things like intolerance, genocide, warfare...

Sometimes I think that I need to go to the people who I am close to and apologize for being terrible and for not loving them how I should or acting in a manner that has their best interest at heart. Then I realize that perhaps first it would be good to go to God with a similar apology.

Funny thing is, God offers His mercy and His grace for no cost, and all He wants us to do is to humbly accept it. I think that I get mixed up in thinking that if I act outwardly righteous- not self-righteous, because I think that's one of those things I should be apologizing for, but if I act outwardly righteous and Godly, that He will have to forgive me, and that I can, to a certain extent, earn my salvation. And I know that I definitely like to earn my keep, instead of feel like a charity case. However, that pretty much undermines the whole basis of having a relationship with God. I just need to get over myself, and trust in God. Question is, how do I do that, because right now I suck at it.

the work life

I sit here, in the place that I'm writing this post from. It's called a cubicle. The lights: florescent. I am wasting away under these lights, in front of this computer. The next 5.5 months could not possibly pass quickly enough.

And, really, how sad is that? That I should wish for the next few months to pass quickly, so that I can be finished doing the absolutely nothing that I feel like I'm doing here. That's no way to live life. I should never be forced to live my life wishing that what I spend 40 hours each week doing would end. And, why am I going to finish it? The direct answer is money. Finishing my VISTA term will give me just shy of $5000 to pay off student debt.

So, I guess the price that I am selling my happiness for is "just shy of $5000." Think about that every morning when you're trying to get out of bed.

This has to change.

Sunshine after the rain...

It rained today. The sky was gray and saturated with clouds; the kind of weather that is totally uncommon to Southern Arizona most of the year. The rain cleared and it was as if an entirely different world came into existence. We threw open the doors and the living room was flooded with the humidity of the day and the sound of birds calling the change in the weather. It was a completely beautiful and freeing afternoon; one of those times when God is completely obvious in His creation.