Wish I knew it all...

Some days are more rewarding than others. Sometimes it's hard to just be still, relax, and enjoy the time that is passing you by.

Maybe I need to eat Omega 3. Apparently, Omega 3 Fatty Acids play an important nutritional part in happiness.

I don't live near the ocean. I knew that it created some issues for me, but I never realized that the lack of affordable seafood, and therefore lack of Omega 3, could create actual chemical issues for me.

I'm going to find some fish.

Earth Day 2008

*This was written April 22, 2008: Today is Earth Day, 2008. In my office, we are situated in a sort of row of cubicles arrangement, with the 5 VISTAS in the row, as well as 2 AmeriCorps State Members. We bought plants to celebrate Earth day, as well as to increase the air quality in our office.

I drove to work today. That makes me a bad hippy. I need to get my Bianchi fixed, so that I can ride it to and from work on a daily basis. It's funny- had that bike not been as nice as it is, it would have been a lot easier to fix.

I've been thinking a lot about love lately. I've been reading a series of books (3) written by an author whose name is Ted Dekker. The books are called, in chronological order, Black, Red, and White. The names alone are reason enough to draw some interesting inferences. Black could be in reference to a time when humanity was stumbling without a way out of their sin. Red, most apparently is the blood sacrifice, but more subtly I think it could be a symbol of the romance and love of Christ. White, I believe, could be in reference to the making clean of the spirit and the soul- a return to purity.

One thing that happens in the book has really caught my attention. The main character, who is a warrior, romantic, and a leader of his tribe, as well as a sort of spiritual guide to the people, has a revelation. He sees a person from their enemy, who is controlled by diseased flesh and mind, as God would see her; wonderful and worthy of love. He is supposed to despise this woman, based on his culture, but he is granted a moment when he can see her as God would want her to be seen. Then, he falls in love with her.

What does that tell us about the way that we love people? Or, more appropriately, what does that tell us about how we fail to love people?

I found it all interesting.

Love

Sometimes, like today, I have a hard time loving people. Why do some people have to condescend and put others down? Sad. I need to learn to watch my sarcasm and wit... it should never be used to make me feel greater at the expense of another.

Barack Obama on Race and a More Perfect Union

Barack Obama spoke today on race and the continuing improvement of the United States of America. Some are calling it a masterpiece, life changing. I'll call it inspirational. This is a man fit to run our country. This is the first time in my life that I have believed in a presidential candidate. The qualities he displays through this speech show that he is far greater than the rest of American politics. He states that while he does not agree with his pastor's remarks, he is none the less friend to the man himself. He is standing by a good man who made a mistake, in place of cutting and running like the rest of the US political world. He is tackling the single most polarizing issue in American history with grace and an understanding that shows his heart, soul, and undeniable ability to lead the United States forward in a time when our next steps could decide the future of international politics and the fate of western society.

http://my.barackobama.com/hisownwords

The EPA: America's Newest Criminal Mastermind

It seems to me that the EPA is violating, quite specifically, a law designed to hold them accountable. As far as I understand, they are required by the Clean Air Act to take into account the ramifications against the health of the American people as the only measure by which they determine air quality standards. Clearly Mr. Johnson is not interested in only the health of the American people. He obviously wants to take into account the financial cost of implementing the new air quality standards. Plainly put, the economy of the United States won't matter a lick if the people are dying or spending thousands of dollars to combat failing health due to poor air. Let us not forget that by not declaring carbon dioxide a pollutant, which is a power given to the EPA last year by the supreme court, Johnson, in my opinion, is guilty of crimes against the American people... tyranny.

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1722343,00.html?cnn=yes

Wilco

This is an interesting commentary on migraines, life, and music by the lead singer of Wilco: http://migraine.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/03/05/shaking-it-off/index.html

Volunteer Center of Southern Arizona

The title above is the name of my new VISTA site. I couldn't continue going into work at the Southwest Conservation Corps every day, feeling completely miserable.

Joel wrote me an email yesterday encouraging me to walk in a spirit of prayer, trying to discern my reason for being here in Tucson and my role in the worship band at Northminster. I suck at spending any time in prayer, or in a spirit of anything besides "just getting by." It's annoying, really. I feel like I'm totally lacking passion in my life, and that I'm literally trying to survive until VISTA is over. What's next, though? If I live my life in that way now, what is going to stop me from living for the next change or the next new thing? There will always be something off in the distance that I think will try its best to determine my worth, or capture my time and attention. What needs to happen to really fully enjoy living my life moment by moment, in each one, starting now and continuing until the day I die? That is the secret to happiness, life, everything- enjoying the passage of time. Thank you James Taylor. But, how do you go from dreading being at work and living for the evening, only to start dreading the daily during the evening, hoping for the ever too short weekend that leads right back into the daily that is dreaded?

How does one just enjoy the passage of time?

Olu was in town this weekend. It was good. We hiked Romero Pools and rode bikes around the city all day- fantastic.

Mikey and I are starting a recycling program at the church, woot.

Would "walking in a spirit of prayer," thankfulness, awe, love be the key to enjoying the passage of time?

Life is only so long, and it makes no sense to spend any amount of time hoping for it to pass as quickly as possible- cherish the moment. Why is it so hard?

Lent

Cursing, since it's become regular, which is terrible, and does nothing to glorify God.

I'm reading Blue Like Jazz again, and this time it seems likely that I'll finish it. It's a good read. I like the way that Don Miller presents his ideas. I just read about how he and some friends, who were studying at the infamously liberal and equally non-religious Reed College in Portland, decided to set up a confessional booth one evening. The twist was that they didn't take anyone's confessional, but they apologized for the way Christianity has presented itself to the masses, through things like intolerance, genocide, warfare...

Sometimes I think that I need to go to the people who I am close to and apologize for being terrible and for not loving them how I should or acting in a manner that has their best interest at heart. Then I realize that perhaps first it would be good to go to God with a similar apology.

Funny thing is, God offers His mercy and His grace for no cost, and all He wants us to do is to humbly accept it. I think that I get mixed up in thinking that if I act outwardly righteous- not self-righteous, because I think that's one of those things I should be apologizing for, but if I act outwardly righteous and Godly, that He will have to forgive me, and that I can, to a certain extent, earn my salvation. And I know that I definitely like to earn my keep, instead of feel like a charity case. However, that pretty much undermines the whole basis of having a relationship with God. I just need to get over myself, and trust in God. Question is, how do I do that, because right now I suck at it.

the work life

I sit here, in the place that I'm writing this post from. It's called a cubicle. The lights: florescent. I am wasting away under these lights, in front of this computer. The next 5.5 months could not possibly pass quickly enough.

And, really, how sad is that? That I should wish for the next few months to pass quickly, so that I can be finished doing the absolutely nothing that I feel like I'm doing here. That's no way to live life. I should never be forced to live my life wishing that what I spend 40 hours each week doing would end. And, why am I going to finish it? The direct answer is money. Finishing my VISTA term will give me just shy of $5000 to pay off student debt.

So, I guess the price that I am selling my happiness for is "just shy of $5000." Think about that every morning when you're trying to get out of bed.

This has to change.

Sunshine after the rain...

It rained today. The sky was gray and saturated with clouds; the kind of weather that is totally uncommon to Southern Arizona most of the year. The rain cleared and it was as if an entirely different world came into existence. We threw open the doors and the living room was flooded with the humidity of the day and the sound of birds calling the change in the weather. It was a completely beautiful and freeing afternoon; one of those times when God is completely obvious in His creation.

Matthew 6: 5-6

5"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

I'm beginning to wonder whether blogs have become the new context of this verse. I think that people consider this verse, and all that comes to mind is not praying outwardly, in front of people with the intention of gaining their respect and admiration. However, are we not dabbling in even more uncertain territory when we pray to the Lord in our blogs, as people cannot see us, touch us, and gain a full understanding our intent? I read some people's blogs and cannot trust the intent behind their prose, and I fully believe that many times it is merely prose; something entirely different from truth. I find some entries, which do not convey anything specific or helpful, to essentially be nothing more than show. This is dangerous territory for certain.

Let us not try to please our fellow believers with our righteousness, but instead please the Lord with our humility.