5.3.08

Volunteer Center of Southern Arizona

The title above is the name of my new VISTA site. I couldn't continue going into work at the Southwest Conservation Corps every day, feeling completely miserable.

Joel wrote me an email yesterday encouraging me to walk in a spirit of prayer, trying to discern my reason for being here in Tucson and my role in the worship band at Northminster. I suck at spending any time in prayer, or in a spirit of anything besides "just getting by." It's annoying, really. I feel like I'm totally lacking passion in my life, and that I'm literally trying to survive until VISTA is over. What's next, though? If I live my life in that way now, what is going to stop me from living for the next change or the next new thing? There will always be something off in the distance that I think will try its best to determine my worth, or capture my time and attention. What needs to happen to really fully enjoy living my life moment by moment, in each one, starting now and continuing until the day I die? That is the secret to happiness, life, everything- enjoying the passage of time. Thank you James Taylor. But, how do you go from dreading being at work and living for the evening, only to start dreading the daily during the evening, hoping for the ever too short weekend that leads right back into the daily that is dreaded?

How does one just enjoy the passage of time?

Olu was in town this weekend. It was good. We hiked Romero Pools and rode bikes around the city all day- fantastic.

Mikey and I are starting a recycling program at the church, woot.

Would "walking in a spirit of prayer," thankfulness, awe, love be the key to enjoying the passage of time?

Life is only so long, and it makes no sense to spend any amount of time hoping for it to pass as quickly as possible- cherish the moment. Why is it so hard?

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